My turn to rant :3

So I am a well traveled child. Over the years I’ve moved 8 times. Born in Panchkula, India, then Gurgaon, and Banglore. All in India. Then came San Francisco and then London. While in London I basically went on a full Europe tour traveling with my dad for his job. Then we went to San Jose, California where we moved 3 houses and finally Seattle. Which I think makes 8 moves? But before you say I had a great life, It’s tiring. Moving over and over, making friends, making a life. I’m 14 years old now and I moved to Seattle just last year. It wasn’t hard to start over but I’m just so tired.

Then comes the other stuff. When I was younger, my parents weren’t very financially stable, so I didn’t always get what I want or even sometimes needed. We had food and a house, but not stability. It stuck with me I guess. Now if I try to buy something for ME. I second guess myself way too much.

Now let me talk about the bullying. It’s stopped ever since my 7th move which was when I was 7 but it still stuck with me. I’ve become more possessive over my identity. They called me dirty Indian. Said I had a disease because of my culture. Threw lizards at me. And gave me an irrational fear of cobwebs. Not the spider, the web. I did fight back but the things they did still happened.

For one of my bullies I gave them expired candy as a bribe. They got a little sick from it. The other I blackmailed with information that I gained. and the last one I just needed to talk to them. Before you judge me for this, I was trying to survive.

I’ve been to 11 schools. 5 preschools. 2 elementary schools. and 3 middle schools. and most recently my only high school. In 8th grade my grades dropped because I moved from San Jose to Seattle. I was forced to switch from using google for ten years to microsoft and other random softwares that I could not navigate. (And to think I believed I was good with computers). But what was the worst is that in California, I managed to skip 2 grades in math and enter some advanced programs. But they all went poof the moment I moved to seattle because the schools wouldn’t accept my credits. So guess who has to do summer school catchup.

And the friend groups. I have learned that they will always leave. I just can’t form any true friends anymore. Sure I talk to them, rant to them, have fun with them. But I never bond with them.

My emotions have been hidden very well. I dont really express them. I analyze them and I find a way to release. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I read manhwa. I do other stuff. But never do I break in front of someone else. Writing this paragraph has been hard for me but this community is one I have found I can trust.

And this is one thing I’ve never told anyone else. I’m jealous of my brother. Hes 6 and by his age I had moved 6 times, and went through bullying and tons of the shit I wrote up there. My brother lived in stability, financial and mental. And he gets what he points at. I love him. But it’s kinda bittersweet. BUT to make this clear, the only time I ever harm him is through cuteness aggression. His chubby cheeks are so plump and he’s so huggable. I squeeze the living daylights out of him.

Everyone has been going through hardships. And maybe I just read manhwa’s because after it all I want stability at the end of the road too. My family is there to support, but even then my parents rant to me. And imagine keeping my brother distracted while my parents yell in the background. I just want one person who I can lean on and shamelessly ask them for help. I ask my parents for help, yes, but I want someone where we lean on each other. and tbh I also dont kinda want to work rn😉

Doing pretty good right now though. I’ve found other addicts and I honestly don’t want to grow up.

Highlight of my day: in the car my parents spent 5 minutes giving my brother advice on how to take a booger out of his nose 🤣