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Chapter 69
He never pressed me or urged me to divulge something he sensed I was holding back.
He simply gave me the opportunity to speak.
But...
'...I can't say it.'
This was an old habit of mine.
Before I ‌‌‌met Rachel, I fell ill frequently from mana ‌‌‌overload.
Each time, Curtis Rohan would worry himself sick, and on severe occasions, I'd see tears in his eyes.
I hated seeing Curtis Rohan sad.
At that time, he was the beginning and entirety of my small, fragile world.
When he grieved, I became frightened.
So I buried every pain I could endure, every worry I could conceal, deep within myself.
If I simply kept it hidden, Curtis Rohan wouldn't have to suffer.
If Curtis Rohan was fine, then I was fine too. ‌‌‌‌
After I recovered memories of my past life, this tendency only intensified.
In my previous life, I was abandoned before the cathedral steps at birth, never knowing ‌‌parental affection.
So the first parent I remember is Curtis Rohan as he is now.
A man somewhat simple-minded, ‌‌‌yet loving me with all his heart.
Even if ‌‌‌‌the entire world turned its back on me, he would be my final ally, my protector. ‌
That existence, that love ‌‌‌I'd experienced for the first time across two lifetimes, ‌‌‌was so precious...
I became a good, resilient child.
'I don't want to be abandoned like in ‌‌my past life.'
A child who cried ‌‌‌‌easily and fell ill often would be tiresome and bothersome, after all.
It became a habit in my relationships with Curtis Rohan and other precious people, and I grew more adept at it ‌‌‌with age.
Sometimes I even fooled ‌‌‌myself.
'But I know this isn't a healthy way to manage emotions.'
Expressing sadness feels so unnatural that I've forgotten the method itself—that's why I can't do it.
'Yet I stepped forward to mediate between ‌‌the Duke and Rachel...'
Perhaps it was I, not Rachel, who needed to learn how to be honest with my own feelings.
"The wind is cold. ‌‌‌‌Shall we head down?"
Lahedis, who had been leaning against ‌‌the railing gazing at the night view, rose to his feet first.
He seemed to have concluded I had no intention of opening my heart.
'In truth, it would have been easier for him to simply pretend not to notice and turn away.'
I ‌‌felt sorry toward him for taking time out ‌‌‌and creating this moment for me.
"Lahedis, I—"
The moment I opened my mouth in urgency, a large hand fell gently upon my head.
"Don't force yourself. Do ‌‌whatever feels ‌‌‌comfortable for you."
As if he understood everything in my heart.
I gazed up at him blankly.
Yet those words gave me ‌‌certainty instead.
That this person was someone I could safely open my heart to.
After my lips had trembled for a long moment, I finally managed to find my voice.
"The truth is... I'm terrified."
Once I'd forced out those first ‌‌words, the rest flowed from me with surprising composure.
"I keep thinking—what if Father got caught up in something dangerous and couldn't come meet me? My heart sinks at the thought."
"...."
"And then the next day, I wonder ‌‌‌if Father wants to live a ‌‌new life without me, and I'm just getting in his way."
"...."
"And on another day, I think maybe ‌‌the Duke was lying about receiving Father's message, and Father has already...."
As tears threatened to overwhelm me, I couldn't finish the sentence and let ‌my head fall.
In that same moment, tears that had been gathering spilled over.
I'd wanted to speak as calmly as possible.
But merely voicing that worst possibility made my heart feel as though it would shatter....
I could no longer ‌‌‌‌hold ‌‌back my tears.
Once the dam broke, my emotions poured out uncontrollably, like a flood.
Through my rising sobs, I poured out my desperate wish.
"...I just hope he's alive, ‌‌‌‌no matter what the reason."
"...."
"I can wait ‌‌‌patiently for years if I have to, and if I'm a burden to Father's life, I don't even need to see ‌‌him ‌‌‌‌again, so...."
"...."
"Just, one last time."
"...."
"Please, just come meet me once more...."
In my past life, I died at nineteen.
After the college entrance exam, with just a month left before I turned twenty.
So twenty was a distant realm of adulthood I never experienced.
And Father became a father at ‌‌‌twenty-one.
In my past life, twenty was considered ‌too young to be truly adult—awkward and inexperienced. So I thought twenty might ‌‌‌be different in ‌‌this world.
After all, this was a place where everyone matured quickly.
But as time passed, and now that I've reached twenty myself.
The word 'adult' still ‌‌‌feels impossibly distant to me.
Yet Father became a father at barely a year older than I am now, and raised me alone as a widower from the age of twenty-four.
He must have been so afraid and lost.
I still haven't told him thank you for raising ‌me, for loving me.
Those unspoken words remained as a knot in my chest.
"...Vivian."
Lahedis, watching me cry like a child ‌‌who'd lost her mother, removed his outer coat and wrapped it around me.
"Your ‌father will definitely come back."
"...."
"So let's cry just for today."
He simply held me like that for a long time.
Until my tears had completely subsided.
* * *
The carriage that the two of them had ridden in returned only late into the night.
Vivian was fast asleep, leaning against Lahedis's shoulder.
"...She ‌‌‌‌seems quite exhausted."
Normally, she would doze off and on, but the moment the carriage stopped, she ‌‌‌‌‌would notice ‌‌‌‌and open her ‌eyes.
Today, having lost sleep the night before and having just poured out her emotions, ‌‌‌‌she seemed to be in a deep slumber.
Lahedis carefully lifted Vivian ‌‌into his arms and made his way to her room.
As he ‌‌‌‌laid her on the bed, he could see moisture still clinging to her eyelashes.
Lahedis swallowed hard as he gazed at her.
When Vivian first came to the Capital, he had worried about her identity being exposed and whether the Emperor might target her, yet inwardly, he was pleased.
Because he could see her.
But watching Vivian wither away under the weight of her anxiety and fear for Dias ‌‌‌Hessen, his heart felt as though it were being wrung dry.
At the same time, guilt consumed him.
'You're suffering like this.'
Oblivious to how you were burning away inside, I felt like a fool for being happy simply to be by your side.
"Have sweet dreams, Vivian."
Lahedis gently stroked her hair, then immediately left the room.
'Have the Guild members still not sent word?'
Perhaps I need to expand the search area.
As he arrived at his own room with such thoughts, he heard hurried footsteps approaching.
"Lahedis."
It was Owen.
Upon reaching him, Owen held ‌‌‌out a note.
"A message just arrived."
Lahedis's eyes sharpened with interest.
There was only one message he could be expecting.
The note, hastily ‌‌‌scrawled by Hector, contained brief ‌‌‌information.
Master,
We have located
the whereabouts of the person you seek.
As Lahedis confirmed the contents of the note, his blue eyes rippled ‌‌‌like still water struck by a stone, then ‌gradually settled into calm.
He burned the note with magic and turned away, issuing his command.
"Don't wait—it will be late."

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Brought to you by Valir Scans! To support our team and enjoy the latest releases, please read directly on our official site: valirscans.org
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