The Weight of a Mother's Sins
Celia fired the words at her rapidly.
“Seon-hui. That wretched woman poisoned His Grace Alexandro’s older brother.”
Why did this not come as a surprise?
It was shocking, yet deep inside her heart, the thought Of course she did floated up like a bubble.
Perhaps—maybe, just maybe—she had sensed it back in the carriage. That this might be something her mother had done.
“And?”
“Pardon?”
“And?”
“W-what do you mean, ‘and’…?”
Celia let out a hollow laugh, as if she could not believe Canna’s calm response.
“I was curious whether you would remain composed even after hearing this. But that’s not all. Seon-hui did something truly terrible to His Grace Alexandro as well. Do you know why he never ages?”
Moisture welled up in Celia’s eyes.
“It was Seon-hui. That woman turned His Grace into the same wretched state as the Holy Spirit.”
“The Holy Spirit?”
“Yes. She made it so he would never grow old or die, just like the Holy Spirit. That vile woman placed a curse of eternal life upon him…”
Suddenly, the faces of the Holy Spirit and her father flashed through her mind.
Both of them possessed faces that looked eternally young and beautiful, as if their youth had been preserved in amber.
She had simply assumed they had reached a transcendent level of power that halted their aging. Everyone else believed the same.
“Mother couldn’t possibly have had such an ability.”
“Oh, but she did.”
Celia roughly wiped away her tears.
“When Seon-hui left the Holy Spirit and escaped the Great Temple, she stole ancient alchemy texts. She hid them in the underground laboratory of the Addis mansion.”
The underground laboratory?
She was probably referring to the one Canna herself used. Were those ancient alchemy texts hidden there?
“Find them, Your Grace the Duchess.”
Celia finally regained control of her emotions and spoke calmly.
“And master the ancient alchemy so you can escape the Addis family. If it’s you, it’s possible. With that power, you should be able to break free from His Grace Alexandro.”
“……”
“That is why I requested this meeting.”
The more she listened, the more unpleasant it became.
No. It wasn’t unpleasant.
It was unease. It felt as though the solid ground she stood on, the world she thought she knew, was crumbling once again.
“How do you know all this?”
“I know because that woman used me while pretending to be my friend.”
“I see. And?”
“Pardon?”
“Let’s assume, as you say, that my mother was the greatest villainess of her time. But that has nothing to do with me.”
Canna spoke in a voice completely unshaken.
“I have done nothing wrong to my father. So why must I be treated like a criminal?”
“How… how can you be so shameless?”
Celia glared at her with eyes full of disbelief.
“Aren’t you ashamed? Don’t you feel any disgrace at having been born from the womb of such a wicked woman?!”
Her words flew like arrows.
But not a single one struck Canna.
Being pointed at and criticized because of her birth was something she was long accustomed to.
Being an illegitimate child, being born with black hair and black eyes—she had been treated like filth for a very long time. This was simply one more accusation added to the pile: that her mother was a villainess.
Yet her utter composure twisted Celia’s lips in disgust.
“Yes, of course that isn’t your fault. But do you have any idea what His Grace Alexandro had to endure because of you? Do you know how broken he has become? He—!”
It was then.
Tap. Tap. The sound of someone knocking on the wall came from behind them.
Celia’s gaze shifted past Canna, and in that instant she froze like a tree struck by lightning.
“Y-Your Grace the Duke…”
What?
Canna whirled around. At the same time, she met a pair of cold, indifferent eyes.
Alexandro Addis’s eyes.
“H-how did you…?”
Celia muttered. When had he entered? She hadn’t sensed him at all.
Alexandro looked back and forth between Canna and Celia. Then he spoke quietly.
“That’s enough of playing detective.”
Canna flinched for a moment, but she showed no sign of it as she replied.
“No. I will decide how far this goes.”
She continued sharply.
“Please leave. I still have more to discuss with His Grace’s mistress.”
Alexandro narrowed his eyes in bewilderment.
“I have no mistress.”
“Then what is Lady Celia? I heard the two of you meet in secret on a regular basis.”
“My alchemist.”
“Is there a reason for you to meet your alchemist so frequently?”
“Yes. Because she makes my medicine.”
“Medicine? What medicine would someone as robust as Your Grace possibly need?”
She continued to ask in a deliberately provocative manner, but Alexandro simply answered her with sincere diligence.
“Unfortunately, I do.”
Then he turned his gaze to Celia, who was trembling violently.
“Celia. You have done something I did not wish for.”
“Y-Your Grace.”
“I warned you not to even think about meeting my daughter.”
“I only did it for Your Grace’s sake…”
“You?”
Alexandro asked back, as if genuinely curious.
“By what right?”
“I thought… that if the Duchess remained by Your Grace’s side, it would only bring you harm.”
“Wherever my daughter is has nothing to do with you.”
His low voice was calm to the point of serenity. Yet Celia shook with terror as if she had been struck by a war hammer.
“Let’s go.”
Alexandro gestured with his eyes. When Canna showed no intention of following, he spoke as if sighing.
“Celia will say nothing more. Isn’t that right, Celia?”
“…Yes, Your Grace.”
At this point, even Canna could no longer hold her ground. She followed him out.
Argon and his carriage were nowhere to be seen. He must have left already.
“Are you looking for the imperial prince?”
“Yes.”
“I sent him away after giving him a proper scolding.”
A scolding? How…?
“Using the imperial prince Argon. Well done.”
Canna’s words caught in her throat.
He had been investigating her behind her back, had even kidnapped his own mistress—no, his alchemist—and yet all he had to say was Well done.
And he called me his daughter.
My daughter.
Those words lodged themselves deep in her ears. He had never once referred to her that way before.
Canna remained silent for a long time after boarding his carriage. Only after a considerable while did she finally speak.
“Is it true? Did my mother really do that to you…?”
Made it so you would live forever, never grow old, and remain alone even as everyone around you crumbled away with time?
The thought alone was so cruel that she couldn’t bring herself to say it aloud.
“It has nothing to do with you. It’s something you didn’t need to know.”
“But I know now. So tell me.”
Alexandro let out a sigh.
He blamed himself for underestimating Canna. He never imagined she would use Argon like that.
He hadn’t expected her to be capable of driving him into a corner this thoroughly.
“Yes. That woman stopped my time.”
“Why on earth would she do such a thing?”
“Because she hated me. And I hated her as well.”
Canna could no longer hold back and asked.
“Why did you hate her? Because she met your brother while pregnant with another man’s child?”
“No.”
“Then why?”
“That woman used my brother like a tool.”
“……”
“I was young back then, so even though it wasn’t my business, it made me angry. And I didn’t bother hiding that anger.”
“So… you’re saying she did something like that simply because the two of you hated each other?”
“That woman always exacted revenge on anyone who harmed her. I was simply one of them.”
Yes. That was exactly the kind of person her mother was.
Because Canna herself was the same.
What a terrifying mother and daughter we are, Canna thought.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.”
“This is not something for you to concern yourself with.”
“It feels like it is.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry my mother ruined your life. Since my mother committed those sins, punish me in her place.”
Alexandro’s eyes sharpened. Canna continued.
“Isn’t that the atonement you’ve been hoping for?”
“……”
“That’s why you made sure I lived an unhappy life all this time. You made me pay for my mother’s crimes instead, didn’t you?”
She had not been raised as Canna Addis, but as the daughter of a sinner and the object of punishment.
The Holy Spirit had been right.
She had been raised as an object of hatred.
“That’s why you raised me.”
“……”
“To take out your anger on me—the daughter of Seon-hui, the woman who cursed you.”
Canna stared at him with eyes like glass beads.
“So you wanted me to be unhappy? Because to you, a person like me has no right to be happy.”
There was no answer. It was a familiar silence.
Canna took it as confirmation. There was nothing else it could be.
In the end, there was only one possible answer.
Either he loved her or he hated her.
If it wasn’t one or the other, there would have been no reason for him to raise her. She was the daughter of the woman who killed his brother and cursed his life, after all…
It couldn’t possibly be love.
So of course it was hatred.
Suddenly, the past flashed before her eyes.
The childhood stained with endless abuse.
The days when she had no one on her side and everyone was an enemy. The hellish time when simply breathing each day was agony.
Canna finally understood why she had fallen into hell.
To Alexandro, she had been a sinner from the very beginning. So it was only natural that she should burn in the flames of hell and scream.
“Then you have succeeded.”
Canna smiled.
“Back then, I truly wanted to die.”
For a moment, Alexandro’s eyes wavered. Canna looked into those eyes and asked.
“How does it feel? Are you happy?”
In the past, she would never have dared to act so insolently, but now she was no longer afraid of him.
In that instant, Canna realized why she had feared him all this time.
Perhaps, deep in her heart, buried so carefully that she had turned away from it, her true feelings had been—
That she had wanted his approval.
That she had wanted his attention.
Even after being rejected hundreds, thousands of times, she had still longed for him in secret. Because as a young girl she had stolen glances at his back, because she had hoped he would look at her…
Perhaps.
One day. Just once.
Like a fool.
“It’s a shame. If I had been a slightly more skilled alchemist, I might have succeeded in disappearing for good.”
If that had happened, would he have seen her not as the daughter of a sinner, but simply as a human being?
I wonder if it would have been better if I had really died back then.
A hollow laugh escaped her.
“If I had succeeded, would it have brought you some comfort in your misfortune?”
Alexandro seemed about to say something, but he swallowed the words and closed his lips again. When he clenched his fist tightly, the veins on the back of his hand stood out.
Strangely, he looked flustered in a way that was unlike him.
After a long silence, Alexandro slowly opened his mouth.
“Did you really try to kill yourself?”
Was it her imagination? It seemed as if his voice had trembled ever so slightly.
It must have been her imagination. He was the kind of man who wouldn’t even blink if she died.
Canna simply smiled.
“You poor man.”
Her mother had ruined his life.
Canna genuinely felt pity for him.
“I acknowledge that your life is tragic. And I also acknowledge that what my mother did to you was cruel.”
“Answer me. Did you try to die?”
“But I will not pity your misfortune. Because you never pitied mine.”
“Canna. Answer me.”
“And I will not answer questions I do not wish to answer. Because that is exactly what you have done.”
Alexandro closed his mouth.
“Duke Addis, it seems we were never truly family.”
Canna smiled gently at the man who had raised her like a keeper raising livestock.
“I am truly sorry for having called you Father all this time. I had no right to do so.”
“……”
“Please, from now on, do not call me your daughter either. You have no right to do so.”