Chapter 43
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Chapter 43
It was real. No, it couldn't be. It's a lie? It must be a lie. It can't be true. If it were true, does that mean he loves me? Why? When? I don't understand. It can't be. It's definitely fake.
No, he couldn't make that expression if he were lying. The unguarded laughter, the careful observation, the mixture of sobs and joy—it's impossible for all of that to be false.
Well, if those feelings are real, why the engagement? No, that's not it. He's showing me kindness, letting my guard down, trying to confirm whether I'm the Demonic Sword's demon. Isn't the person he loves his fiancée?
Really? Is everything he showed me truly just a disguise? All of those emotions?
Echinacea Loaz. Did you really think it wasn't a lie? What were you expecting? He still carries the memories of your death.
'What was I even expecting? Why do I feel this way?'
My heart churned into chaos. I buried my head in the pillow and forced myself to sleep.
That night's dream was an endless maze. A single thread of light traced a path before me. White, brilliant, beautiful light. Yet I couldn't bring myself to trust it.
Where are you trying to take me? What should I see to believe in you? Where are you trying to reach?
The light didn't answer my questions. So I stood still and ignored it. The maze where I stood alone was dark and cold. Only the thread of light circled around my feet.
* * *
The next morning, the formal Squire appointment ceremony took place.
It was more of a personal oath than a grand ceremony. A High Priest dispatched from the Agenka Grand Temple would oversee as the Lord and Squire made their vows, and that would be the end of it. The ceremony took place in one of the chapels within the Grand Temple. Observers were forbidden, so no one but the Lord, Squire, and High Priest could enter. That's why Baraha Islaf waited, leaning against a tree on the tree-lined street near the chapel.
Echinacea Loaz appeared in a crimson dress. It was a deep brown, nearly black lace and ribbon-adorned crimson dress. White petticoats peeked out from beneath the hem.
Her gloves were reddish-brown silk, and her necklace, bracelet, and earrings were a set of silver and small rubies. A narrow-brimmed hat matching the dress, draped with delicate mesh. Silver-worked ornaments hung from the hat alongside ribbons. Light pink hair cascaded beneath the hat. The face within it was expressionless.
Baraha Islaf approached her and called her name.
"Echinacea."
The expressionlessness vanished from her face as she turned to him, replaced by a gentle smile. Baraha Islaf stared intently at the slight curve of her lips until her mouth parted slightly and his name was pronounced from between them.
"Baraha Islaf. What brings you here?"
"What brings me? I came to see your appointment ceremony."
"Observers aren't allowed."
"That may be true, but I wanted to see, so it doesn't matter."
Baraha Islaf shrugged. Echinacea didn't understand his reasoning, but she didn't press further. My body still hadn't fully recovered. Standing was exhausting, so thinking felt like a burden.
Especially when I thought of Yurien de Harden Kirie waiting inside that chapel. His presence felt like a thorn pricking my heart.
'His fiancée... She was supposed to arrive today.'
A thought I'd deliberately tried not to consider surfaced. I bit the inside of my cheek and tried to convince myself. There was nothing privately special between Yurien de Harden Kirie and me, so what did it matter if he was engaged or married? My reason judged it that way, but my heart wouldn't obey. My mood kept sinking.
"Is something wrong?"
Baraha Islaf asked as I stood motionless. I quickly shook my head.
"No, I was just thinking of something else. I'll go in now."
"Go ahead. I'll wait out here."
"You'll wait?"
"It's the day you officially become my junior. We should celebrate together. Were you planning to eat at the Common Dining Hall on a day like this? I know a decent place."
Under normal circumstances, his kindness would have been quite appealing. But not today. I wanted to finish the Squire appointment ceremony quickly and shut myself in my room to sleep. The strange dream had kept me awake all night, making me even more exhausted. I shook my head apologetically.
"I'm sorry, let's go together next time. I'm tired today and want to rest right away."
"...Hmm. Excuse me for a moment."
Baraha Islaf tilted his head and suddenly stepped closer. He pulled my arm and slipped his hand through the draped mesh. I stiffened but didn't pull away. I'd guessed his intention.
As expected, a large hand touched my forehead. He furrowed his brow.
"You have a fever."
"It's nothing serious."
"Tsk. This won't do. Finish the appointment ceremony quickly and go rest."
Baraha Islaf released me and gave my shoulder a gentle push.
'When I had that body ache before, he stayed glued to my side in the Stable without noticing anything. How did he figure it out today? Am I showing it that much?'
I clicked my tongue inwardly and bowed to Baraha Islaf. Then, with reluctant steps, I entered the Chapel.
The Chapel was quiet. A statue of the deity stood at the front, surrounded by two angels bearing swords. Since no one dared to sculpt or paint the deity's face, the carved god was draped in layers of cloth, obscuring both gender and features, gazing down upon us.
Directly beneath the statue stood the High Priest. His white vestments embroidered with gold thread indicated he held the rank of Chief High Priest, just below the High Pontiff. The High Priest had placed the scripture on the lectern and was unfolding the oath document.
Yurien de Harden Kirie stood to the left of the lectern. Light filtered through the stained glass ceiling and cascaded down through his hair. As I entered the Chapel, he turned his head to look at me. The distance made it difficult to discern his expression clearly.
I crossed the Chapel slowly and moved forward. As I approached, he never took his eyes off me. With each step closer, his face became clearer. Despite his bare face, unobstructed by anything, his expression was as unreadable as the cloth-draped statue. I reached the right side of the lectern, grasped my skirts, and curtsied in greeting.
"I greet you, Commander."
"Echinacea Loaz."
Yurien de Harden Kirie spoke my name, then fell silent for a moment. His brilliant azure eyes traced over my form, taking me in. He hesitated before speaking in a whisper.
"...I had hoped you would not push yourself so hard. The appointment ceremony could have been postponed."
He was not truly expecting an answer. He immediately turned his head to look toward the High Priest.
"Proceed quickly."
"Pardon?"
"Begin."
"Ah, yes."
I lowered my eyes. So he had noticed my condition after all. Just as before, with a single glance. I pressed my lips firmly together to keep words from spilling out. If I let my guard down, I might ask questions. How did you notice? And... are you really getting engaged?
The High Priest recited the tedious preamble of the oath document. Platitudes about knighthood, the mindset of a squire, the virtues a Lord must possess, that a squire should serve their Lord with unwavering loyalty and a Lord should guide their squire with utmost dedication. Throughout his words, I avoided meeting his gaze. Meanwhile, Yurien de Harden Kirie stared at me intently.
"...Do you swear it? Squire Echinacea Loaz, will you follow your Lord with unwavering faith and master the virtues of knighthood?"
"...Yes."
I answered a beat too late, my mind elsewhere. The High Priest then turned to Yurien de Harden Kirie.
"Knight Yurien de Harden Kirie, will you generously share your knowledge and experience and do your utmost to guide your squire along the path of knighthood?"
"Yes."
"By this declaration, Echinacea Loaz becomes the squire of Knight Yurien de Harden Kirie. This oath shall remain in effect eternally until death or the squire's ascension to knighthood. On this nineteenth day of May, in the year 1629, by the grace of Ar Sebattiem."
The "ascension" mentioned in the oath referred to when a squire became a knight, naturally dissolving the squire relationship. "Death" encompassed not only actual mortality but also retirement from the sword or renunciation of the path to knighthood.
The High Priest presented two oath documents to Yurien de Harden Kirie and me, along with quill pens. We each signed our own oath document, then exchanged them to add our signatures to the other's document bearing the other's name. The oath documents bearing both the Lord's and squire's signatures were given to each of us. With this, I became Yurien de Harden Kirie's squire. A relationship that would persist until I became a knight or one of us set down the sword.
The High Priest bowed and gathered the scripture and pen before leaving the Chapel. I folded my oath document and tucked it away. Across from me, Yurien de Harden Kirie gazed down at the oath document in his hands. His expression was somewhat vacant. Looking at that face, the words I had been holding back burst forth without restraint.
"Commander, or rather, Lord. I heard you were getting engaged."
Yurien de Harden Kirie lifted his head. That unreadable expression again. I felt as though I might go mad wanting to know what that man was thinking. An inexplicable anger surged up. I spoke dryly.
"Congratulations."
"...You."
Yurien de Harden Kirie blinked weakly. Then he continued in a low voice.
"Before, you said you wanted to become a knight because you wished to be happy."
"Yes, I did."
"Does that happiness mean a peaceful life?"
"Pardon?"
It was a vague and incomprehensible question. I found myself frowning. Yurien de Harden Kirie washed his face with his hands, then opened his mouth without removing the hand covering his face. A hoarse voice leaked from beneath his palm.
"If, hypothetically, you desired something, could you sacrifice your peace to obtain it? Could you bear being caught in turmoil?"
It was still a question grasping at clouds. As I stared up at him blankly, Yurien de Harden Kirie hastily added something more.
"That's purely hypothetical. Just...."
"I won't choose to sacrifice my peace for that."
I cut off his words with my answer. Did my happiness depend on a peaceful life? Of course it did. For nine years, I had gathered Giosa for the sole purpose of keeping the people I cherished alive. I had poured everything into that effort. So my answer was already decided.
"You asked if my happiness meant living a peaceful life. Yes, it does. Living peacefully with my family, my relatives, the people around me—that is my happiness. Rather than make a choice that endangers those around me, I'll abandon what I desire."
The fever coursing through my body stripped away any restraint, and I answered with the truth that came to mind. As my words continued, Yurien de Harden Kirie's expression crumbled. He slowly closed and opened his eyes. His lips, which had been trembling, pressed firmly shut. As if he were swallowing something that threatened to surge forth. Then his expression became hollow.
"I understand, Echinacea Loaz. For now, go back and rest. Your Squire duties begin in three days. If you need more rest, tell me anytime."
"Thank you, Lord."
Yurien de Harden Kirie left the Chapel first. I watched his white figure recede for a moment, then left that place. Only the faceless statue of the deity remained in the empty Chapel.
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