Chapter 46
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Chapter 46
"Why on earth? It has nothing to do with me!"
"The Demonic Sword that was supposed to carry out a massacre has vanished. No one died. Logically speaking, who else could manage such a thing besides the Changtian Knights who oversee Giosha?"
"You're suggesting that Captain Yurien de Harden Kirie disposed of the Demonic Sword sent to the Loaz Estate?"
"It's a reasonable suspicion—far more so than the delusion that the daughter of that household has some peculiar constitution allowing her to wield the Demonic Sword without issue. Besides, you've become the captain's squire, haven't you? It would be stranger to think there's no connection."
I had no rebuttal. A groan escaped my lips. Nicole exhaled deeply and continued.
"You see, there are factions within the Empire supporting the 3rd Prince, even though the prince himself shows no interest in the throne. His popularity, his renown, his influence over the knights, and the military might of the Changtian Knights—the strongest order on the continent. Both the Crown Prince's faction and the 2nd Prince's faction have no choice but to be wary."
"The 3rd Prince has grown too large to simply leave alone... I see."
"Exactly. Regardless of the 3rd Prince's own wishes. Now he has very few choices."
Nicole extended her fingers.
"Accept the engagement and submit to the Crown Prince. Or use Agenka and the Changtian Knights to oppose the Empire."
"..."
"And the latter choice would inevitably lead to war. The first to be sacrificed would be the Count Loaz Estate, suspected of being connected to Captain Yurien de Harden Kirie. Even without reaching war, they'll use the Loaz Estate in some way to draw out the captain."
The color drained from my face. Nicole added in a dry tone.
"So we must pray that he quietly accepts the engagement and places the leash in the Crown Prince's hands. That's the most peaceful path."
Silence stretched between us. Nicole reached for her teacup, only to find the tea had gone cold. She asked my permission and warmed the pot with magic. Then she sipped her tea, giving me time to process what I'd just heard.
I thought in a state of chaos. The first thing that surged was anger—a deep, murderous intent that ran so profound I could barely contain it, even as I liked Bardegiosa. Whether it was the 2nd Prince's faction or the Crown Prince's faction that sent the Demonic Sword to Loaz, I wanted to cut them all down. It was harder to restrain myself because I was fully capable of doing so.
I reflexively gauged the scale of the mages and Imperial Guard Knights I'd fought before my regression. I could do it. Afterward, I might not just suffer soreness—I might collapse and fall ill—but if I launched a swift, decisive strike while my mana remained, it seemed possible to even sever the Emperor's head.
[Why hold back when you can do it? It's revenge. They're bad people! Didn't you suffer because of them, tangled up with me? Let's go kill them, yeah? If we wipe them all out, we won't have to worry about murderous intent for a while!]
The Demonic Sword, which had been watching cautiously, seized the opportunity and chattered sweetly like a demon. I glanced at my right palm, covered by my glove. The Demonic Sword continued anxiously.
[They sent me, so it's their karma to die by me. Let's go kill them! We have to take revenge, revenge! Don't you want to see the blood of those who threw you into such agony? If you're worried about cleanup, just don't leave witnesses! Kill all the witnesses too!]
At those last words, clarity struck me like cold water. Kill them because they witnessed? A chill crawled down my spine. I pressed my forehead.
'I just now... under the guise of revenge, naturally considered killing mages and guards with no connection to me. I've gone mad.'
Royalty never stands alone. To kill royalty, I'd have to slaughter all the guards and attendants blocking the path. I'm not an assassin. Though I could mimic one to some degree with mana and skill, I was absolutely not capable of assassinating the Emperor. Wiping everyone out was possible, though.
[Master, you can't answer because that red-haired woman is here, right? Yeah? You're going to kill them, right? Let's go kill them! We have to take revenge!]
'This isn't a battlefield where you die if you don't kill. Doing something like that would be a massacre. What's the difference from when I was the Demonic Sword's demon?'
Reason returned. I let mana flow through the pattern on my right palm.
[Ow, that stings. Ah, ah! Why are you hurting me! Does this mean we're going to kill them? When? Today? Tomorrow? After two nights?]
I clenched my fist irritably. Then I let mana flow through once more. My mana struck the Demonic Sword's mana flowing through the pattern.
[Ow! Ah! It hurts! Why! ...You're telling me to shut up, aren't you. Tch.]
This was different from dealing with Ian. He had directly tried to kill someone close to me. If I hadn't been there, Baraha would certainly have died. But those protecting the royalty were not like that. They were simply doing their duty.
I knew well what would happen if I swung my blade as I pleased. I knew far too well what it meant to kill. That's why in this life, I had tried not to cut anyone down. But circumstances were not so gentle, and I had eventually made a decision.
Whoever delivered the Demonic Sword to Loaz—more precisely, whoever orchestrated it—I could kill without hesitation. But I didn't even know for certain whether it was the Emperor, the 2nd Prince, or the Crown Prince who had orchestrated it.
If someone threatened those around me, I would deal with them. If the Imperial Guard Knights marched on the Loaz Estate, I would sweep them clean. But such a thing hadn't happened yet. Should I kill everyone just in case it might happen? Because I'm angry? I didn't want to become a demon.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
'Why did I go through all that hardship to turn everything back, only to be consumed by anger? Don't let rage take hold. Don't be swayed by murderous intent.'
Gradually, composure returned. As anger and murderous intent swept through and passed, other thoughts emerged. So what should I do now?
As Nicole said, it was best to wait quietly, hoping that Yurien de Harden Kirie would accept the engagement without fuss. Next, I would find out exactly which bastard ordered the Demonic Sword sent to Loaz, and then plan how to take revenge. I had no intention of forgiving that person. Even if he were the Emperor himself.
'Yes, I'll do that. I'll pray the engagement proceeds safely, find the one behind the Demonic Sword, and then... take my revenge.'
Even as I decided this, a persistent rejection gnawed at me. He—Yurien de Harden Kirie—would have to accept the engagement, would have to marry. A hollow, chilling sensation spread through my chest. One corner of my heart ached. A complex emotion, both sudden and sorrowful, yet difficult to define, dyed my entire being.
If she were to see someone other than Yurien de Harden Kirie holding the Holy Sword Langiosa—a blade she herself could never even grasp—would she feel this way? This sensation of someone else carelessly violating something she could never touch, something she was forbidden to touch.
Echinacea Loaz gazed down at her right hand, feeling distant and unmoored. During the days when she had been gathering Giosa, she had often peered at the Holy Sword Langiosa. Since she could never touch it with bare hands, she would always wrap cloth around her fingers before withdrawing it, then prop it against something or lay it on the ground, staring blankly at it for long stretches.
A sword she could not touch. A person she could not touch. Something forbidden to touch. Yet in truth, from long ago, I had wanted to touch him....
Something surged, threatening to overflow. What I had pressed down all this time suddenly broke through its restraints and rose up.
Why did I wish he had never become engaged? If he hadn't become engaged, the Loaz family wouldn't be dragged into this. Was I pitying his life, knowing he would be used by the Crown Prince?
Yes, I pitied him. I found his trapped circumstances heartbreaking, and his past—discernible even from fragmentary facts—was tragic. I wanted him to be happy.
But if he hadn't become engaged, my family might be in danger. Isn't family the most important thing?
Peace. A peaceful life. Happiness. The question Yurien de Harden Kirie had suddenly asked me after the Squire appointment ceremony came to mind.
"If, hypothetically, you desired something, could you sacrifice your peace to obtain it? Could you endure falling into chaos?"
Was that question about his own situation? Was he wrestling between resistance and submission? Did the chaos he spoke of refer to the war that would erupt if he refused to bow to the Crown Prince? Then what was it that he desired? What was worth sacrificing peace for? Freedom from the Imperial family?
'...Then, what do I desire? Why, in this moment, even knowing the obvious conclusion, do I feel such resistance at the thought of my peaceful life crumbling? What am I seeking?'
Why had I been so unsettled when I heard his fiancée was coming? Why had I felt sudden anger the moment I saw his face at the Squire appointment ceremony after learning of the engagement? Why did I keep wondering what he was thinking, how he saw me? Why had I wished I didn't know about his erased past? Why did I always feel so tense in his presence?
Simple guilt? No, that wasn't it. Why had I been afraid of misunderstanding when I saw his expressions or his smile? What was I afraid of misunderstanding?
'That he might love me, I was afraid of that misunderstanding....'
Why was that misunderstanding so terrifying?
'Because it's such an excessively happy delusion. A delusion so happy that I was afraid of discovering it was false. And it has to be false. It's impossible for him to love me.'
If he loved you, you would be happy? Why would that make you happy?
'Because I....'
Love him.
I had reached the truth I had wanted to deny. The wavering something finally overflowed, breaching my reason. Like a sandcastle soaked in water, it crumbled. Echinacea Loaz forgot to breathe.
Before the fountain stained with blood, the emotion I had believed was already shattered had somehow been revived, taking root deep within my heart. That root had been exposed.
In the most desperate moment, in the worst of times, the one person who had looked into my heart and believed in me. Those blue eyes that had watched over me through long, painful, lonely struggles. Silent encouragement and support.
The person who, even as he perished as the price of that trust, left me not a single curse.
His gaze upon me. The unexpected warmth that touched my shoulder. His careful consideration. The scent of ginger tea. The tension. His unguarded smile. His worry. His desperate embrace. His trembling voice. His expression wavering between sobs and joy.
My own turmoil before all of that. How I had paid attention to each of his actions and words, things that might have meant nothing at all.
I thought I didn't love him because I had no shame in loving. It was self-deception. The heart cannot be controlled by logic and reason. Turning away and pretending ignorance doesn't make something cease to exist. Resolving to erase it doesn't make it disappear.
That emotion had never been shattered. I had only been turning away, believing it was broken because I feared the weight of what I had done, the consequences it would bring, and the changes that would occur if I acknowledged the feeling.
Echinacea Loaz had continued to love Yurien de Harden Kirie.
From the moment he first found me within the Demonic Sword's demon, through long years and time reversed until now, that emotion had only sprouted and taken deeper root—it had never died.
I could no longer turn away from what I had merely been ignoring. Echinacea covered her mouth with a pallid face. Her complexion, white as paper moments before, soon flushed crimson from her neck upward. She burned with embarrassment. Seeing her face, Nicole set down her teacup in alarm.
"Echinacea? What's wrong?"
"...Nicole."
Echinacea called to Nicole in a voice half-choked with tears. Nicole's eyes widened in surprise. She had known Echinacea since childhood and had heard her complain many times, but this was the first time she had heard that thin, trembling voice. She hastily pushed her teacup aside and leaned close to Echinacea, examining her face.
"I heard you had a fever—are you in pain? Do you want to rest? I told you because I thought you should know, but if you're struggling, don't worry about it. You must already be overwhelmed with the Demonic Sword issue. I shouldn't be adding more burden on you. The Loaz family's problems are my problems too. I'll handle it...."
"Sister, what should I do?"
"...What?"
"I...."
I think I love him. But he's someone I shouldn't love.
The rest remained unspoken, rolling around only inside her mouth. There was no way she could say it aloud. Echinacea drew her legs up onto the chair and buried her flushed face in her knees. Her heart pounded as if it might burst, while simultaneously she was gripped by fear. As thrilling as it was terrifying.
Nicole, flustered, patted her shoulder repeatedly, asking what was wrong. It took considerable time for Echinacea to compose herself and fabricate an adequate excuse for the reaction she had shown.
Brought to you by Valir Scans! To support our team and enjoy the latest releases, please read directly on our official site: valirscans.org