Chapter 74
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Chapter 74
Words I could never speak if she knew he possessed memories. I don't know. I didn't know. She remained unaware that he carried memories from before the regression. Even when he suddenly appointed her as his Squire, she failed to notice.
The tension that had gripped him—fear that she might vanish—suddenly dissolved into relief. Yurien de Harden Kirie found himself smiling faintly without realizing it. Her reaction was peculiar. She gazed at him with wavering eyes, then hastily averted her gaze. A faint blush colored her cheeks.
He wondered at her behavior, then recalled witnessing similar responses before. He was not one to smile often, but when he did, women typically reacted this way. Some even gasped in admiration, their eyes gleaming. Occasionally, men displayed the same reaction.
Having received countless compliments, he was well aware that his appearance was exceptional. Yet until now, Yurien de Harden Kirie had given little thought to his looks—merely viewing them as one of the factors that drew unwanted attention and risked offending the Emperor or the 2nd Prince.
But now, for the first time, he felt genuine pleasure in his own appearance. The thought that she might find him attractive thrilled him. He spoke in that exhilaration.
"You should know who I am. You've seen me before, haven't you?"
"Pardon?"
Echinacea Loaz responded with a strained voice. Her complexion drained of color in an instant. Her pupils trembled. Yurien de Harden Kirie quickly continued.
"Last summer, at the birthday celebration."
"...Ah."
She appeared somewhat relieved. Yurien de Harden Kirie observed her with bitter resignation. She didn't know, and she wished not to know. It was only natural—she had worked so hard to erase that past.
If she wished for all of it to be as though it never happened, he could not dare to dredge it up. He had initiated the tragedy, and she had obtained a second life to ensure it would not end in tragedy—how could he possibly presume?
"At the birthday celebration... you saw me?"
"I didn't know who you were, but I do remember seeing you. Didn't you see me?"
"Oh, you were the Commander! I apologize for recognizing you so late."
He matched his words to what she desired. It wasn't a lie. He had indeed seen her at the birthday celebration. Even if the conversation was superficial, it was the first they had truly shared. To finally speak with her face to face. It felt utterly unreal.
"Commander..."
The title grated on him. Between them, it made them seem like strangers with no connection. Not that they weren't strangers—they had no actual relationship, and they were forced to pretend ignorance of the memories they shared—but still.
"Call me by my name instead. I am Yurien de Harden Kirie."
He did not wish to bear his royal surname before her. Because he was of the Imperial Family, because the Emperor was his father and the 2nd Prince was his brother, she had been forced to wield the Demonic Sword. If only he had been merely a man named Yurien de Harden Kirie.
"I am a cadet, Commander. How could I presume to do so?"
"A cadet, I see."
Echinacea Loaz swiftly refused. He had no words to counter her. If he were to pretend he had no memories as she wished, then he and she could only ever be the Knight Commander and a cadet.
An unbridgeable distance.
Realizing this, he felt profoundly grateful that he had appointed her as his Squire. "Squire" was far better than "Commander." Though his true wish was that she would call him by his name.
The sensation of her calling his name in Rangiosa's memories still lingered within him. Perhaps that sensation would never fade for as long as he lived. Yurien de Harden Kirie gazed at her in a daze, contemplating this, before finally voicing the question that had long troubled him.
"Why did you apply to the Military Academy?"
"Because I wanted to become a Knight."
"Why do you wish to become a Knight?"
"...Because I love swords."
That was a lie.
Yurien de Harden Kirie moved impulsively. He approached her and took her right hand. Echinacea Loaz did not resist. She remained rigid as he grasped it. As he examined the calluses on her palm and prepared to press her for the truth, the moment his hand closed around hers, his mind went blank.
It was soft and small. So delicate it seemed it would shatter if gripped too firmly. The hand of a lady raised in refinement. Though he had expected this and held it accordingly, the reality struck him with such force it made his chest ache. When stained by the Demonic Sword, this hand had been rough and filthy, blistered and torn repeatedly. The hand he had witnessed in Rangiosa's memories was covered in wounds, the very nails misshapen.
The suffering this tender hand had endured to reach this state suddenly overwhelmed him. Yurien de Harden Kirie traced her palm with his thumb. Beneath the smooth texture of her glove, he felt the soft flesh beneath. Since it was her right hand, beneath this glove would be the mark of the Demonic Sword.
'I wish... that this hand would never again be destroyed.'
Neither body nor heart should ever suffer again. So if his possession of these memories threatened to wound her, he would pretend ignorance. He would not disturb the erased past that she did not wish to confront. He would wait until someday she could accept it. Even if that waiting stretched into eternity, he did not mind.
Yurien de Harden Kirie whispered while holding her hand.
"...Your hand is not the hand of one who loves the sword."
Echinacea Loaz withdrew her hand. He watched it slip away from his grasp and resisted the urge to hold on.
"I ask again. Why do you wish to become a Knight Instructor?"
A question that had lingered in my mind all this while. Why had she come to Agenka to become the Hawk of Clear Sky? Echinacea Loaz fell silent. She hesitated for a long moment, her expression clouded with confusion, before slowly opening her mouth.
"Because I want to be happy."
That simple statement struck me with devastating depth. Few in this world understood what lay beneath those words better than I did. Her words before the Divine Sword Kairosgeiosa echoed in my memory.
"I'm going to live."
"Right now, I'm as good as dead."
"Because I can never be happy."
"It may sound strange, but... I'm sincere."
Her voice trembled faintly. I could not ask further. I did not wish to. Something surged up from within my chest. I suppressed it with difficulty and answered.
"I see. So that's it."
If she wished not to be questioned, I would not question her. I, who must know nothing, cannot hear her reasons. If that is your judgment, then I will support you in silence, unseen. In that bittersweet ache, I made my resolve.
Echinacea, unwilling to speak further, changed the subject.
"What brings you here?"
"And you—what are you doing here on your first day of enrollment?"
"...I was just taking a walk and ended up here."
It was no ordinary walk. She had come precisely to this fountain in the Central Plaza. In any case, it meant she had never intended to leave Agenka from the start. Becoming a Knight Instructor was her goal, and she believed I had no memory of her—so she would remain in Agenka. Confirming this again brought relief, and I found myself smiling once more. Ah, this time it showed far more clearly than before. As I smiled, she froze. Her eyes fixed upon me. That vivid violet gaze, so clear I wanted to brush away the veil obscuring it. She was looking at me. My heart quickened within my chest.
I would have to smile more often from now on.
I should laugh more often from now on.
"I came for the same reason as you."
"You were taking a walk, sir?"
"...Yes."
Echinacea looked up at me with a skeptical expression and posed a question.
"I heard you appointed me as your Squire. Why did you choose me for that position?"
"You..."
Because I wanted to keep you close. Because I wanted to draw near to you. To protect your house. To shield you should you ever be swayed by murderous intent. The lingering quickening of my heart threatened to spill out in an unguarded answer, but I swallowed the words hastily. I cannot speak. I must not reveal that I have my memory.
What answer could I give then? What reason would a Yurien de Harden Kirie without memory have for suddenly appointing Echinacea Loaz as his Squire? A reason she would accept.
What came to mind in that moment was her talent. The blade that had made me taste defeat for the first time.
"Cadet Echinacea. Would you permit me to request a duel?"
"A duel, sir?"
"I wish to cross blades with you."
As I spoke, a desire I had forgotten surged forth. That longing I had felt while crossing blades with her, stained by the Demonic Sword, returned in full. I had thought that had we met differently, we might have dueled countless times and reached even greater heights together. That impossible wish—she had made it possible. We had met differently now. My heart began to race, but for a different reason than before.
"I... I..."
But contrary to my anticipation, Echinacea was seized by fear. She stumbled backward as if desperate to flee. Seeing her thus, I came to my senses. She was not ready. Perhaps she would never be ready. There was no guarantee that wounds would heal. I could wait. But I could not let her go.
I spoke as calmly as I could manage.
"Not now, if you prefer. Whenever you are ready."
Her bare shoulders trembled. Not from cold, but from fear. The realm of Jenith. Perhaps the strongest being in this world, and she was afraid. Of what? Of the past she might have that I could possess.
I was nothing but a trigger for her nightmares. Even without knowing that I was the beginning of those nightmares. A sharp blade sliced coldly through me, tearing at my insides. I knew the name of that blade. It was guilt.
I removed my hood.
"As for why I made you my Squire... I will answer after we cross blades."
I draped my hooded cloak over her trembling shoulders. Unable to comfort her or reassure her, I could only draw the hood closed around her.
"The night air grows cool, Cadet Echinacea Loaz. Let us keep our walk brief."
I did not want to part from her. I wished to continue our conversation longer, to stretch these moments into something more substantial. But she would not desire that. The longer we remained face to face, the more unwelcome memories might surface—fragments she had deliberately buried. With reluctance clinging to my fingertips like morning frost, I finally withdrew my hand from hers and turned away.
[Will you continue to feign ignorance?]
As I distanced myself from her, Rangiosa's quiet voice reached me. I bit back my response, keeping my expression neutral.
"If she does not wish to remember, how can I resurrect what she has erased?"
[It is true that revealing secrets others wish to hide is discourteous. Yet if you continue to pretend ignorance, are you not deceiving her in turn?]
"...For now, I must simply observe."
I rubbed my trembling face with unsteady hands.
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Brought to you by Valir Scans! To support our team and enjoy the latest releases, please read directly on our official site: valirscans.org
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