Chapter 79
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Chapter 79
Echinacea Loaz.
Yurien de Harden Kirie walked toward the Tent Camp, turning over in his mind that sun-like soul of hers. Dazzling, resilient, precarious. He wanted to be by her side. He wanted to support her.
But whenever she looked at him, she was reminded of the past and grew uncomfortable. His very existence was causing her pain. Yet he had made her his squire, wanting to help her, hovering nearby and obsessing over every small change, harboring the hope that she would gradually become okay....
"This is a mess."
[What are you talking about?]
Instead of answering the Holy Sword, Yurien stopped walking. Her Tent Camp stood beside his. He could sense her presence within it. He stared blankly at it for a moment, then turned his head away and entered his own tent. Without lighting a fire, he sat leaning against the simple cot in the darkness.
His gaze fixed in her direction. Though nothing was visible through the thick canvas of the tent. His interlaced fingers resting on his knees twisted.
He had secretly believed that only he, who knew the erased past, could be by her side. But if someone else were there for her instead, if she were no longer lonely or suffering, then did he really need to approach her when his very presence made her uncomfortable?
Perhaps what Echinacea truly wanted was to completely erase the past and live a new life. As Dietrich had said, Baraha was a good man, and if she took a liking to him, she could become his lover and find happiness. That might be the best outcome for her. After all, weren't Baraha and she getting along quickly, and didn't they look good together?
Yet why did something thick and murky keep bubbling up from his stomach, filling his entire body?
The tent without a single light was pitch black. In that darkness, Yurien imagined her smiling at Baraha. Since he had never seen her smile properly, he pictured that expression from that day—the brightness on her face when she greeted him in front of the Knights Headquarters. If she showed that smile to someone other than him, if she reached out her hand to another, if their hands touched...
A raw impulse he had never known before surged through him.
Anyone who came to know her would be captivated. Whether it was Baraha or anyone else. Yurien genuinely believed this. Such a dazzling existence—it was inevitable that someone would be captivated by Echinacea, but he didn't want to see her smile at that someone.
I wish she would smile at me in my arms. I wish I were the one making her happy. I wish she were mine alone. An overwhelming greed seemed to squeeze his chest. His fingertips tingled.
[What's wrong with you since earlier? Seriously.]
The Holy Sword asked as if something was amiss. Yurien brushed back his falling hair and steadied his breathing. The breath he exhaled was hot like that of a beast. A raw, bloody emotion raged wildly inside him.
I can understand her better than anyone else in this world. I can do more for her than anyone. I can live for her. How could I make her happy when I know nothing of how extraordinary she is, what wounds she carries? So shouldn't that sun become mine?
It was irrational and unreasonable. There was reason judging him mad, and desire growling obstinately. Tangled, turbid emotions. What was this? When did such a monster take root inside me? The inside of his throat was parched like a desert. Yurien muttered in a hoarse voice.
"The more I think about her... the more I feel like I'm going insane."
Words Dietrich had once said suddenly came to mind. That he wished there were no men at all near the woman he liked. That he'd hate it even if she were close with other women. Now those words finally made sense.
What had he said back then? That it was insane talk. Dietrich had countered that love was like a mental illness. So if he felt insane right now...
"Am I... in love with her?"
The Holy Sword made a strange sound. A bizarre noise that seemed to combine a groan, a click of the tongue, and a choking sound. Then, after a long silence, it asked as if exasperated.
[You mean you've been agonizing over something so obvious this whole time?]
"How can you be so certain?"
[Because you've changed.]
Yurien gazed blankly down at his palm. In the darkness, a golden pattern glimmered faintly before fading.
[...I am a sword, so truthfully I don't understand human emotions well. But based on my experience observing countless humans over the ages.]
The Holy Sword sighed deeply.
[Humans don't change easily. Even less so when that change is not for themselves but for another. From what I've witnessed, the only reason humans change for another is love.]
"Changed... you say."
[Yes. Why do you think I warned you to stay away from her? When humans fall in love, they change rapidly. Do you know how powerful that force is? It's an emotion capable of turning a man so devoted to justice that he became my master into a revenge-crazed murderer in a single night.]
"...."
[Look at yourself. You've already changed, you're still changing, and the reason you're changing is her. What did you tell me? That changing was natural? That it would be stranger not to change after seeing her? What else could that be if not love, you fool.]
The Holy Sword rebuked him as if disappointed. Yurien pressed his trembling hand to his forehead. Turbulent waves rose within his heart. Could this chaotic tangle of emotions really be defined by a single word—love? So simply?
Rangiosa continued in a tone of resignation.
[That's why I wanted to stop you. Of course, I've never succeeded once until now, and I failed again this time. If something could be stopped by someone trying to stop it, it couldn't be such a powerful emotion.]
"...Is it normal to want to monopolize her?"
[Humans commonly desire to monopolize what they love. Well... your thoughts are your own, but refrain from actions that contradict justice. I'd prefer you to be my master until you live out your natural lifespan.]
The Holy Sword's murmuring failed to reach my ears properly. Even this desire—was it love? That I loved her. The emotion I had just awakened to took form and pressed down upon my limbs. My breathing grew ragged.
As I steadied my breath and thought slowly, I realized my understanding had come far too late. If I had truly admired her purely and desired only her happiness, I should have withdrawn the moment I learned she felt uncomfortable in my presence.
But I had not. Under the excuse that the decision was already made, I never cancelled her squire appointment and continued to linger near her. I felt desire when I looked at her, and I regretted assigning Baraha Islaf as her instructor. Because she had loosened up slightly, I even practiced smiling in the mirror, and I desperately wished for her to smile when she looked at me.
"Hah...."
What a complete fool I was. The moment I let out a hollow laugh, a sound came from the tent entrance. Someone carefully pushed aside the cloth and entered.
Echinacea Loaz.
I stiffened rigidly. She too seemed unaware that I was inside, freezing in place. We both held our breath in the darkness, suddenly aware of each other's presence.
[The timing really is something, isn't it.]
It was the Holy Sword's murmur that broke the silence. I barely regained my senses at those words. I fumbled for the lamp, my hands trembling. I lit it and looked at her. Echinacea's face was pale, yet bathed in the crimson firelight, she appeared flushed as if fevered.
"Cadet Echinacea."
There she stood in my tent, wavering between flickering light and shadow. Considering what I had been thinking mere moments before, I began to suspect this was a hallucination. There was no reason for her to seek out my tent. In those few seconds, countless possibilities flashed through my mind, yet all of them were absurd.
For instance, that she had come to tell me about the past that had been erased from her. Among the possibilities that flickered past was even a lustful fantasy. I was shocked at myself for imagining such a thing. I could not bring myself to meet her eyes directly and looked away, then barely managed to meet her gaze again.
"...What brings you here?"
Echinacea took a deep breath and extended something she had been holding toward me.
"I came to return this... to you. I apologize for being so late."
Return? Return what? I looked at what she offered and only then realized what it was—the deep blue cloak I had draped over her shoulders before the Fountain. I approached her and accepted it.
'She came to return this. Thinking I wouldn't be here, no doubt.'
Everything I had imagined was indeed absurd. I stared blankly at the cloak, neatly folded. There had been no need to return it. Still, if this was the occasion to see her face once more, it was not so bad.
Then I suddenly realized she had not yet left. She came to return the cloak, returned it, and should have gone—yet why did she remain? Did she have something more to say?
Perhaps the cloak was merely an excuse, and she had another purpose. Such hope stirred within me. Even trivial conversation would have been welcome. Even a small question would have brought joy. I wanted to grow closer, even by the smallest measure. I had just been disappointed, yet hope bloomed again.
I stood in conflict, eyes downcast. My skin grew taut with tension. After turning words over in my mouth several times, I finally asked.
"Is that truly all—that you came to return this?"
"...Yes."
Echinacea's answer was brief. My heart sank. Then I found my own behavior ridiculous. What had I even expected? It was pathetic. Self-loathing welled up, but then she added something more.
"Oh, and the medicine and ginger tea from before... thank you for those."
"...Did those things help you?"
"Yes. Very much."
I lifted my head and looked at her. Her expression was gentle. They had helped her. It was surely only a small help, but still.
At those words alone, my plummeting mood surged upward dramatically. A smile came naturally to my face. When I had practiced before the mirror, it had felt awkward, but before her, laughter came with surprising ease. I only needed to let my genuine feelings flow freely.
Echinacea gazed at me as if entranced, then started in surprise and looked away.
"Forgive my intrusion, Commander. I shall take my leave now."
"Cadet Echinacea, wait."
I reflexively reached out to stop her. I had meant to grasp her shoulder, but she stopped before I could dare touch her, so I lowered my hand. Having called out to her, my mind went blank. I had simply wanted to spend more time with her, but I had no prepared words. I had no choice but to grasp at whatever came to mind.
"Have you ever encountered a demon before?"
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Brought to you by Valir Scans! To support our team and enjoy the latest releases, please read directly on our official site: valirscans.org
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