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Chapter 30
From that day forward, I began to struggle desperately to escape from love that had hardened into a long-standing habit. I had fought before to excise my feelings for him, but never with such desperation.
I buried ‌‌‌‌the dress he had chosen for me deep within my wardrobe and retrieved the one that had made him frown the moment he saw it. Then I began attending the regular banquets held at the Empress ‌‌Palace.
Naturally, my escort knight Barcas was forced to accompany me into ‌‌‌‌those lavish nights of debauchery.
For someone who had received an education as austere as a monk's ‌‌‌‌until the age ‌‌of fourteen, it must have been a contemptible sight. It was no comfortable place for me either. Within a hall filled with my mother's worshippers, I was treated as a miniature replica of Senebier. ‌
They regarded me—a girl with a youthful body but ‌‌‌the Empress's ‌‌‌‌face—as an amusing plaything. Many of them showed active interest. Though I felt strong disdain ‌‌‌‌at their attitude of treating me as a substitute for my mother, I pretended to enjoy the attention lavished upon me.
I wanted to show off to Barcas.
See ‌‌‌what you've missed. I will become a woman more beautiful than Ayla. As beautiful as Mother.
I wanted to show him how many people desired me. Perhaps some part of me hoped he would stop me.
But Barcas, as always, merely fulfilled his duties as an escort in silence. Whether I mingled with men and drank myself senseless, or flirted with men twice my age, he showed ‌‌no concern whatsoever. That indifference only fueled the dangerous impulses that had seized me.
He had stood by my side for ‌‌‌seven years. Surely, then, he could show some worry. He could stop me. Such childish thoughts clung to a corner of my mind and refused ‌‌‌to fade. I thought that if I completely ruined myself, ‌‌‌I might finally shake off this foolish attachment.
With a spirit of reckless abandon, I ‌‌‌kept company with unfamiliar men. I even permitted them to touch my hands, face, and hair with admiration, or to bring their noses to my neck in bizarre gestures.
It was unpleasant to be handled as though I were a porcelain doll, but I did not ‌‌‌dislike the intoxicated, rapturous gaze in their eyes.
Sometimes I felt an exhilaration as though I had become divine. When swept up in such emotions, the ‌‌‌‌fact that I could not have Barcas seemed trivial.
I clung to that sensation. If I continued ‌‌‌to bury myself ‌‌in ‌‌‌those intoxicating hours, my green, naive love would surely wither and die.
I became increasingly absorbed in the shallow, ‌‌‌sordid ‌‌‌games between men and women. I grew accustomed to exchanging suggestive ‌‌‌banter and light caresses, walking the precarious tightrope between propriety and impropriety.
After wallowing in those perilous ‌‌‌days for some time, a southern nobleman named Margus approached me.
At first, I paid him little attention. Though I attended the Banquet ‌‌Hall every evening and mingled with various men, I retained the memory of not a single one.
But at some point, his name began to linger familiarly in my mind. The man had captured my attention in a peculiar way.
He treated me as ‌‌‌though I were a young niece or a foolish child. Occasionally, he offered advice as though genuinely concerned. Though I was initially displeased by his presumption, I gradually opened my heart to him. Unlike the men who constantly sought to touch me whenever the opportunity arose, he always maintained an appropriate distance while remaining affable.
That was not all. He seemed interested only in making me laugh, clowning about and presenting me with toys and ‌‌dolls instead of jewels or revealing clothes—behaving as though he harbored no ulterior motives. Gradually, I came to feel at ease in his presence.
Perhaps he had sensed the emotionally deprived child lurking within me. He penetrated my defenses far too easily.
The evening he shattered the ‌‌‌castle of trust I had built was four days before my coming-of-age ceremony.
He arrived at the Secondary Palace during a late ‌‌‌hour when Barcas had stepped away. Though I felt suspicion ‌at his unannounced arrival, it quickly melted away like snow when I saw him chattering animatedly with his characteristic cheerful demeanor.
"Your Highness, look at this! I finally obtained that puzzle I mentioned before!"
The man thrust forward ‌‌‌a large toy box and exclaimed with excitement.
"You cannot imagine how much trouble I went through to acquire it! I have not taken such pains even for gifts to present to The Emperor!"
The man, who had been puffing out his chest proudly, suddenly scratched the back of his head with embarrassment. He seemed belatedly aware of his rudeness in arriving at such a late hour.
"I had originally intended to ‌‌present it ‌‌‌on your birthday, but I must depart the Capital City on short notice tomorrow. Please, will you forgive my discourtesy?"
With his eyes drooping like a rain-soaked puppy, I shook my head helplessly.
"There's nothing to be done about it. Come inside."
He smiled brightly and stepped into the Secondary Palace. It was the first time I had allowed anyone other than my escort knight or a ‌‌‌‌maid to enter the residence. Suddenly, the disordered state of the Secondary Palace felt shameful.
I led him past the Reception Room, which I had never used and which had accumulated only dust, to the Library on the second floor. It was the cleanest place besides my Bedroom. ‌We spread out a chess table ‌‌and sat across from each other, ‌‌‌‌beginning to assemble the puzzle pieces.
So absorbed was I that I did not even notice his knees positioned on either side of mine ‌‌beneath the table.
I focused all my attention on connecting the ‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌small pieces to construct a pointed castle tower.
To help me, he leaned in close and secured the small columns in place. At last, one tower was completed. I smiled with satisfaction. Then, suddenly, I realized he was far too close and my expression grew ‌‌‌‌‌uncomfortable. His body ‌‌‌was ‌pressed so near that his wine-scented breath tickled my forehead.
I shifted my hips uneasily. But if I abruptly pulled away, the atmosphere would become awkward.
Carefully, I ‌‌‌‌‌turned my body to the side, pretending to search for another puzzle piece in the ‌‌box he had brought. Then he approached from behind and, as though embracing me, extended his arms on ‌‌‌‌either side of my waist and began rummaging through the box.
"Ah, it was here."
My body ‌‌‌‌went rigid. His muscular, lengthy arms tightened strongly around my waist. ‌‌‌‌I felt hot, ‌humid breath pour down onto the nape of my neck, and I hunched my back as far as I could. My heart pounded with fear at this unfamiliar situation. Yet strangely, no sound escaped my lips.
He thrust his arm deeper into the box, pressing his body against hers with increasing intimacy. Talia barely managed to squeeze out a voice.
"Stop... please stop...."
"Just a moment... just a ‌moment, Your Highness. Your body... it carries such an intoxicating fragrance."
He pressed his nose against ‌‌her shoulder and inhaled deeply.
Every nerve in Talia's body stood on edge. Her skin grew clammy with cold sweat, and goosebumps erupted along her spine.

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Brought to you by ‌‌‌Valir Scans! To support our team and enjoy the latest releases, please read directly on our official site: valirscans.org
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