Chapter 102
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A villainess locked away in a desolate tower—I had possessed her body. Chapter 102 I had no excuse even if he resented me for making him read such a distasteful book as well, but faced with his unexpected kindness, I smiled awkwardly.
"Th-thank you for saying that."
"I merely spoke the truth. However."
Hmm?
"It seems unnecessary to burden yourself with such matters even on days when you needn't work."
"Ah."
Did Ian think I was laboring for the welfare of the Blaire Grand Duchy even during my rest time? It wasn't entirely wrong, but truthfully, I was simply clearing my mind by focusing on other thoughts. As I surveyed the nearby area, I spotted a couch suitable for sitting and slowly made my way toward it.
"Does it appear that I'm working?"
A question came back immediately in response to my casual inquiry.
"...Is it not?"
"What made it seem that way?"
"I've heard that most noble young ladies prefer dressmakers or jewelers to libraries...."
As the hour grew late, the library had become quite deserted. Especially in this section where books on monster cuisine were kept, not a single soul lingered. Ian swept his gaze across the shadowless surroundings as he spoke.
"And yet you've sought out the archive within the library itself, in a place like this."
"Ah, haha...."
Perhaps I did seem rather peculiar? Now that I thought about it, I'd never had the opportunity to broach the subject of myself with anyone. 'I was always busy, and besides, laying out my story in such detail...' There simply wasn't anyone I could confide in. Yet somehow, now, and with Ian as I had come to know him, I felt he could hear my story without great disturbance or burden.
"Actually...."
Settling naturally beside Ian on the sofa, I carefully began to share my thoughts.
"It might seem a bit strange to others, but I sometimes find comfort in places like this."
Places where people exist, yet simultaneously do not. Places where no voices reach. Places where no one can disturb me. Places where I can immerse myself in my own world and concentrate. Looking back, I had always been someone desperately in need of rest.
"Perhaps it's because I've never truly rested before, because I don't truly understand what rest means."
Was it alright to say such things? I paused, gauging Ian's reaction, but no particular response came. And sensing his consideration in that silence, I slowly continued.
"The ways most people relieve stress or improve their moods don't seem to suit me well."
The healing that others spoke of had never truly brought me peace. It seemed to be the same whether I was in 21st-century South Korea or now, possessing the body of April Salt in this world. Even during my corporate days, I'd collapse and fall asleep immediately after work, and on weekends, I'd waste entire days trying to catch up on lost sleep. After possessing this body, things only got worse—I never once felt my circumstances had improved compared to before. And the more that became true, the deeper I retreated into places where no one else was, into solitude.
"Of course, it can feel wonderful to own expensive and precious jewels or dresses. I respect that too."
Of course, being human, I felt joy when I saw beautiful treasures. When I saw lace meticulously embroidered by a craftsman's hand or intricately carved jewels, I'd think of the effort someone had poured into these small objects and feel genuinely impressed. The Grand Duke's Residence where I'd been staying was the same. That place, which felt like an entire building was a single work of art, made me feel like I'd become someone remarkable just by sitting there quietly. But....
"What I like best is being in a place where no one disturbs me, doing what I want, and being able to stop whenever I wish. That feels most comfortable to me."
"You mean you'd prefer if there were no people around?"
At Ian's question that soon followed, I shook my head lightly.
"At first, I thought that was the case, but now...."
I used to think that way, but now I could say it wasn't true. The reason I'd avoided interacting with others all this time was because people had exhausted me so much. But human thinking always changes. Since coming to the Blaire Grand Duchy, my prejudices began to shift little by little. First, I discovered how enjoyable conversations with good people in a comfortable atmosphere could be.... I realized I wasn't someone who enjoyed being buried in loneliness, but rather someone who simply wanted occasional time alone.
"Well, it's nice to be alone sometimes. But the reason I was so glad when Ian brought up the Public Library was...."
This time, a natural smile bloomed on my face without my realizing it.
"There are so many people here who don't pay attention to me. So no one interferes with me, yet I don't feel alone either."
"...."
"That's why it feels good. Hmm, so I guess I am someone who gets lonely after all...."
Ah, in this moment, I felt as though I'd come to understand myself a little better. Because in my busy daily life, I rarely had the chance to reflect on myself. I need time alone, but ultimately, I didn't want to be alone. Perhaps that's why I'd been so frantically throwing myself into work. And perhaps, that's why.... 'I felt the urge to leave the Grand Duke's Residence first.' Someday I would be alone, and if it was inevitable, I wanted to make that decision myself when I was mentally prepared. I didn't want to be pushed out and cast away by others' will, so.... Perhaps that's why I felt increasingly guarded toward the Grand Duke. Of course, there was also the fact that I'd predicted his feelings would change. As I carefully organized my thoughts, a slightly lowered voice brushed against my ear.
"I think that's possible."
"...Pardon?"
"Anyone can feel loneliness. When they do, no one wants to remain alone."
His attitude was as blunt as always, yet there was a subtle warmth emanating from him—was that just my imagination?
"...That is precisely why I understand now why the Young Lady welcomed the Public Library so warmly."
Hearing those words, I felt a touch of embarrassment. It seemed I had gained understanding from someone I never expected. Sensing the atmosphere growing awkward, I hastily changed the subject before the silence could deepen further.
"W-well, that got rather heavy all of a sudden, didn't it? Ha ha...!"
My face was burning—I must have turned as red as a persimmon. Before I could meet Ian's gaze, I quickly turned away and feigned indifference. But then a peculiar book caught my eye. 【Derivatives of Dark Magic】 'Hmm?' This section was clearly dedicated to books for those eccentric gourmands who used monster meat as culinary ingredients. Yet the title of this black book before me was unmistakably suspicious. The fact that the author's name wasn't even printed on the spine made it all the more so.
"This is...."
Anything concerning dark magic was treated as forbidden. And rightfully so—dark magic was known to grant tremendous power in exchange for abandoning one's humanity. I carefully withdrew the book wrapped in its jet-black cover. Layers of ashen dust had accumulated on it, suggesting it had been wedged here for an eternity. 'Let me at least take a look.' With that thought, I cautiously opened the pages.
"Ugh." Despite my tension in opening it, the contents themselves were rather unremarkable. The origins of magic, the derivatives of dark magic, and how dark magic grew stronger through 'human sacrifice' as its medium. But seeing the diagrams of the sacrificial altars required to perform dark magic, my stomach began to churn. After skimming through the book's contents, my nausea drove me to quickly return it to its shelf. Then.
"What are you doing?"
Ian's voice came from behind me.
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Brought to you by Valir Scans! To support our team and enjoy the latest releases, please read directly on our official site: valirscans.org
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