Chapter 125
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Brought to you by Valir Scans! To support our team and enjoy the latest releases, please read directly on our official site: valirscans.org
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125.
"...."
I remained silent for a long moment, overwhelmed by the atmosphere he emanated.
He'd demanded I confess so forcefully, and only now did I realize how embarrassing the whole thing was.
Truth be told, I was far less prepared for this than he was.
"It's alright, Roselita."
"What do you mean...."
As my composure returned and my tone shifted back to normal, Cassian Artez chuckled softly.
"My little lady has disappeared."
"That's Ian's."
"I drew it from my childhood memories, so isn't it fine to call her that?"
"But I'm right here?"
At my petulant remark, Cassian's expression grew even softer.
"Are you jealous?"
He gazed at me from across the low table, his face half-hidden, and spoke.
"Of me, compared to my past self?"
"Yes."
Even as he answered, his eyes betrayed an embarrassment he couldn't conceal.
Who is this person?
I don't recognize him.
He was just as shameless at eleven years old, wasn't he?
Where did my brazen superior go....
At my bewilderment, Cassian grumbled as he spoke.
"Roselita stripped me bare."
"You're saying the most absurd things—and your grammar is strange too."
"I think I said it correctly."
At that, I exhaled in exasperation, and a low laugh echoed in response.
On one hand, I felt relieved.
I'd ordered him to speak—or rather, commanded it—and I'd harbored some regret since then.
Not from worry about the emotional weight I'd have to bear or anything like that.
But from fear that Cassian Artez, who occasionally grew vulnerable by his own admission, might be hurt.
Yet it seemed that wasn't the case.
I felt certain that whatever answer I gave, he would accept it.
It was somewhat absurd to analyze Cassian Artez's feelings when I hadn't properly understood them until now.
But I knew his intention wasn't to force anything upon me.
From this point forward, the problem lay solely with me.
He would continue to love me even if I told him I disliked him.
If I said it was burdensome, he would try to hide it, but since Gaia's blood flows through the Liardon Family, there was nothing he could do about it—something I could fully understand.
And besides, I didn't dislike Cassian Artez.
Neither rationally nor as a person.
"Since Ian was honest with me, I'll answer without hiding anything either."
"Okay."
I could see Cassian Artez suppressing his tension and anticipation as much as possible.
He seemed to hope that his very existence wouldn't burden my decision in any way.
Though at other times, he pushed forward without hesitation.
Was this weakness only in moments like these actually a strategy?
The moment that thought crossed my mind, the tension that had stiffened my cheeks eased.
"It feels much closer to joy. It would be absurd to say I haven't grown fond of you."
His eyes widened slightly.
Yet his expression didn't hastily jump to conclusions about my answer.
His thorough respect for me softened my own demeanor as well.
I took a deep breath and, matching his respect, continued my words calmly.
"But I need time."
It was a cowardly thing to say. I knew that.
"Because you've been so good at evading me."
"...I know."
The fact that he didn't apologize was actually welcome.
Had he done so, I think I would have found it endearing rather than infuriating this time.
A laugh escaped my lips before I could help it.
I found his expression—devoid of any composure—endearing.
When I reached out my hand, he didn't miss the opportunity, gently leaning his beautiful face against it.
'...I've made quite a few mistakes myself, haven't I.'
I could never resist impulse in front of Cassian Artez.
But what could I do when he looked so beautiful?
I already knew by this point that there was no hope for me.
And yet.
"I haven't properly thought about it in that way. I don't want to answer hastily in this state."
That was all I could say.
I wished the world around us could be as fresh as the feelings we harbored, but reality was entirely different.
Only after I made a decision that would require me to drastically revise my life plans could I give a proper answer.
Because I would have to turn away from the direction I'd always been facing.
I had only myself to be responsible for, but now I would be carrying the weight of Cassian Artez's beautiful, delicate life as well.
"So will you give me time to think properly? So I can say something I can take responsibility for."
Cassian Artez closed his eyes quietly.
I watched as his pale lashes trembled slightly, drawn in as if by a spell.
He was relieved yet anxious, and at the same time, he began to exhale with gradually steadier, more composed breaths.
Cassian opened his eyes slowly and spoke to me in a low voice.
"I can wait as long as it takes. I...."
His gaze met mine.
"I've always been prepared to let you go forever."
"...Yet you always told me never to abandon you."
"I mean it."
Cassian rubbed his cheek against my palm as if seeking permission.
"It will be difficult, but if you truly wish to leave, I have no right to hold you back."
I found him pitiful.
Though I had no intention of deciding out of sympathy.
I didn't want to begin this way.
Because I wanted to return his beautifully crafted emotions with a heart equally full of beautiful things.
"So, Roselita, take all the time you need to think. But promise me one thing."
"What is it?"
"Don't sacrifice yourself. I don't want you by my side if it means you're giving up something. I don't want that."
"...."
"Of course, it would be a lie to say I don't desire it."
"Yes."
I could answer his addition with surprising brightness.
But there was something I wanted to say.
"But Ian."
"Hmm."
"You're willing to sacrifice freely, but I'm not allowed to?"
Unlike me, who could create other options, you made your decision without even knowing your own nature, yet you don't expect any price in return?
At my question, Cassian Artez laughed brightly with a relieved expression.
"Right, I hope you won't."
He approached me carefully.
"Because you're the most precious thing to me."
Does he realize it?
That this moment is more embarrassing than that confession I barely managed to squeeze out while blushing.
I felt my cheeks burning as I smiled at him.
'Of course, I have no obligation to follow all his words.'
I wanted to set aside all notions of sacrifice and think only of what would make me happier.
It's natural that choices come with opportunity costs, and even if Cassian Artez regrets it, as long as I accept and take responsibility for it, that's all that matters.
While lost in thought, Cassian seemed to be holding something back intensely.
His gaze was so intense that I couldn't help but notice it, and when I looked up, he asked for permission with an embarrassed expression.
"Can I hold you?"
After all he's done so selfishly.
This man really ought to thank his parents for this one thing at least.
For being so perfectly cute and beautiful to my taste.
Of course, she could blame me for everything else.
Instead of answering her, I pulled her into my arms first.
I'd told her to wait for my response to her confession, yet here I was, closing the distance between us—was that really acceptable?
Well, what did it matter? We'd never done anything in the proper order anyway.
As I exhaled a resigned sigh, his heart thundered loudly against my chest.
Feeling that resonance, I smiled softly, and he wrapped his arms around me with a quiet breath of his own.
I became acutely aware that within this comfort dwelt an excitement both strange and familiar, and I remained there with him, savoring that moment.
*
'My little lady truly is something else.'
Cassian gazed at Roselita, who had fallen asleep in his arms, unable to suppress the smile spreading across his face.
Much of it was likely due to having read through Maribel's diary all through the previous night.
But the relief of her safety had surely loosened the tension he'd been holding.
As for himself, he'd briefly wavered over whether he should approve of her behavior or not.
Yet ultimately, affection won out.
Because it made him feel that he was someone Roselita could trust.
Cassian carefully adjusted his hold on her so she wouldn't wake.
Making it more comfortable for her to sleep.
All the while, he didn't forget to survey the interior of the vault.
Though none of it actually registered in his mind.
'At this rate, Roselita will complain once she wakes up.'
No, that too was merely his own foolish imagination.
She had never once pushed him to do such things alone.
It was simply an amusing fancy born from hoping she would pay him even a little more attention.
Perhaps Roselita thought herself shameless for not answering him immediately.
She was someone with a strong sense of responsibility, after all.
But truly, Cassian could wait for her indefinitely, even in this state of suspension.
'Will she be angry again?'
Come to think of it, he seemed to have made her angry quite often since long ago.
Because he'd treated the emptiness in his heart as if it were nothing.
He was truly fine with it, yet instead of merely accepting her anger, she'd allowed him to confess his feelings.
As if it were something rightfully owed to him.
Roselita would probably be appalled if she heard this.
'I was actually fine with it, even when I heard there was no choice but Roselita for me.'
Even if he hadn't been built that way, would he have had any other choice?
Unlike the others who had only taken from him, she gave him so much every time she appeared before him.
'My life, my troubles, my affection—everything.'
Cassian held Roselita close, struggling to control the strength that naturally wanted to surge forth.
'Thank you for saying it's closer to joy.'
He would never know how deeply moved he was, how much those words alone meant to him even without hearing the complete answer.
The way she had commanded him to speak despite her own difficulty, her sincere and earnest attempt to respond honestly, this familiar comfort of her falling asleep defenseless before him—
It was so endearing that his heart ached.
Yet even that pain felt so—
Had he truly developed such strange tastes, just as she had said?
He was overwhelmingly happy.
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Brought to you by Valir Scans! To support our team and enjoy the latest releases, please read directly on our official site: valirscans.org
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