Chapter 118
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119.
"When exactly is Lily going to grow up?"
"What?"
"Yes. As you say, such people might approach her. But what does that matter? They're still just children. Isn't it your role to strengthen her so she can distinguish between good and bad people?"
"I'm saying there's no need for her to have bad experiences."
"How do you know it will only be bad experiences? That's for Lily to judge. Even if something bad happens, you can protect her then, can't you? She wants to do it! Who are you to block her path? What right do you have to lock Lily in a cage!"
I recalled myself sitting listlessly in the Devonshire Earldom.
Those terrible years came flooding back—when I helplessly accepted only what others deemed good, when I had no need to think for myself.
I was furious.
Julian was a good person, so I couldn't understand why he was acting like Zeppelin.
My clenched fists trembled with an emotion I couldn't name—whether it was anger or sorrow.
Then, someone grasped my trembling hand.
Pitiful crimson eyes looked up at me.
"I-I'll tell you a fun story. Or... Josephine likes this cute expression I can make. Would you like to see it...?"
Lily puffed out her cheeks and pressed them with her index finger. The face of a child trying to be cute looked desperate.
"So please don't fight. Okay? Don't fight because of me..."
The ground beneath my feet seemed to crumble. Seeing Lily's forced smile, Julian also went pale.
Holding back the tears that threatened to spill, I stroked Lily's hair.
"Yes. I startled you by raising my voice suddenly, didn't I? I'm sorry. That's quite an adorable expression. Well, we've finished dessert now, so shall we go for a walk? Lily, would you go on ahead? We have something to discuss, and we'll follow right after."
Lily's shoulders drooped as if her efforts had been in vain.
But at the same time, she was astonished.
It was the first time she had ever seen someone raise their voice to her brother.
"Miss, shall we go together?"
Kanna approached with tact and led Lily out of the Dining Hall.
She had recently perfected the art of playing with children thanks to Helena and Livia.
Kanna quickened her pace, already devising a game that would instantly lift Lily's sagging shoulders.
* * *
Once Lily left, the servants in the Dining Hall tactfully withdrew as well.
Julian rested his head in his hands on the table.
'Why would she do something like that...'
What Lily had shown Rebecca wasn't mere cuteness.
It was a desperate struggle for survival.
Julian understood that meaning well. Once, he had been the same.
He had tried everything toward his cold mother and father. He'd tried to be funny, tried to seem cute.
But it had all been for nothing.
Eventually, he gave up trying to look good and chose indifference instead.
Even though it felt like a part of his heart was hollow, it was easier that way.
There was no need to try.
But Lily... that precious child was doing the exact same thing.
And that desperate gesture was directed not at him, but at Rebecca.
'Am I afraid...?'
Tears welled up in my bloodshot eyes.
Where had it all gone wrong? My devotion to that child had become poison instead.
Rebecca, who had been on the verge of striking Julian across the face in her fury, lowered her hand upon witnessing his despair.
"Julian...."
"Rebecca. I was wrong, wasn't I? I behaved shamefully, didn't I?"
Rebecca considered comforting him for a moment, then abandoned the thought.
He needed to understand.
"Yes. You've committed an irreversible act. You did to Lily exactly what Zeppelin did to me."
Thud—
It struck harder than any curse could have.
Julian stared at Rebecca with the expression of someone who had been dealt a devastating blow to the chest.
Rebecca spoke with a blank face, her tone measured and cold.
"You confined that child so she could neither hear nor see nor think of anything beyond you. You isolated her to crave only your affection. And yet you dare wear that shocked expression? You have no right to it."
Rebecca's words lashed like a whip, each one cutting deep.
Julian stammered as he tried to speak.
"I.... I feared that if I reached out to that child, I would ruin everything. I don't know what kind of love she should receive. I only know how to inflict wounds...."
"Then what do you think you've done? You claim to know how to wound, yet you did exactly that?"
Julian couldn't even bring himself to meet Rebecca's gaze.
"Don't transfer your misery onto Lily. Just because you are unhappy doesn't mean she must be as well."
"Ah...."
The truth I had avoided my entire life now suffocated me, tightening around my throat.
The tears that threatened to spill forced me to lift my head.
Seeing his tears, I wanted to cry as well. But Rebecca steeled her heart firmly.
Concealing emotion was something she excelled at more than anyone.
Rather than weeping alongside him, Rebecca took his hand.
Her warmth transferred to Julian's hand, which had grown cold and numb.
"Julian. Don't run away."
Her words were true.
I had been running my entire life.
I was terrified of stepping into the unknown world of familial love.
Sharing the same table, eating the same food, quarreling over trivial matters, then laughing again over insignificant incidents.
I feared that sanctuary of family—the kind where someone reads to you in a drowsy voice from beside your bed before sleep.
It felt as though merely touching that sanctuary would burn me away to nothing.
I had spent my entire life yearning for a comfortable family while keeping it at a distance.
And I had cast that lonely path before Lily, forcing solitude upon her without offering any alternative.
"What am I supposed to do now...."
Julian buried his face in his hands. Something—whether sweat or tears—poured from his eyes.
I wanted to fix it. If only it were possible, I would turn back time itself.
As Rebecca had said, I could not burden Lily with my own unhappiness.
"I wish Lily could be happy."
Rebecca rose from her seat at the tremor in his voice, thick with tears.
The scrape of the chair echoed loudly through the empty Dining Hall.
Rebecca approached Julian and drew his head into her embrace.
At the touch of her tender arms, he instinctively wrapped his around her waist.
The distinctive warmth of her skin enveloped him—a scent that dissolved all worry and allowed him to surrender completely.
His tears dampened Rebecca's chest.
He clung to her, releasing everything he had been holding back.
"Help me... Help me, Rebecca."
"You already know the way, even without my help."
"No. I don't know anything. I'm a fool. I'm worthless."
"Simply give Lily what you gave me. Share that warmth of heart you once offered me with her as well."
“....”
Julian fell silent.
"You broke it, so you must fix it. With your own strength alone. Compared to the suffering Lily has endured, the effort you must make is nothing."
"But I don't know what effort to make."
Julian looked up at Rebecca.
His golden eyes, glistening with tears, shone brilliantly. Even his disheveled face was beautiful.
In that moment, Rebecca found herself wishing he would cry a little longer.
She secretly yearned for a sudden downpour to drench his golden fields.
Realizing she harbored such dark desires, her hands trembled slightly.
"Rebecca...?"
His voice, slightly hoarse, made her dizzy.
Rebecca barely restrained the instinct to hungrily claim his crumbling lips.
To think of kissing him in such a moment—she must have lost her mind.
Rebecca closed her trembling eyes and pressed her forehead gently against his.
"Do as your heart desires. Show Lily kindness exactly as you wish to. If you want to praise her, then praise her. If you want to stroke her hair, then do so."
"But what if I hurt her further by acting carelessly?"
"You won't."
Rebecca gently brushed back Julian's ebony hair.
"You have a gift for making someone happy."
At words he had never heard before, Julian's eyes widened.
But soon he found truth in Rebecca's kind blue gaze and smiled faintly.
As his reassured heart began to race fiercely, neither noticed the Dining Hall door close silently behind them.
* * *
"Is it really true that Helena can skip a stone six times?"
Lily pressed Kanna eagerly for the next story, her face alight with interest.
Since leaving the Dining Hall, Lily had remained withdrawn, showing no enthusiasm for any of Kanna's game suggestions.
But when she heard mention of Helena and Livia in passing, her eyes began to sparkle.
It seemed she had grown curious, rarely having the chance to hear stories about people her own age.
"And what else do they enjoy doing?"
"Well, you should know that Helena and Livia are somewhat different from typical young ladies their age."
"That makes them even more wonderful! They're special, aren't they? Hmm... So what do ordinary young ladies do for amusement?"
"They host tea parties for conversation, study etiquette, or sometimes go on picnics with young gentlemen their age..."
"That's boring. Completely boring. Then I won't play with those young ladies. I want to play like Helena and Livia do. Do you think the sisters would enjoy swordplay too...?"
"Swordplay? Well, I'm not certain. But since they enjoy all manner of physical activities, I'm sure they would take to it."
"That's a relief! But... do you think I'll ever get to meet those sisters? Probably not, right? My brother won't allow it."
Lily's spirits sank, and she lowered her head.
Kanna hurried to console her.
"It will happen. You made a promise with Rebecca, didn't you?"
"That's right. With Becky... I mean, the Countess did promise."
"Then don't worry. There is nothing she cannot accomplish."
"Why? Why is there nothing she can't do?"
"Because she is..."
Kanna struggled to find the words. She didn't know how to articulate her faith in Rebecca.
After rolling several words around in her mouth for a long moment, Kanna finally spoke.
"Because she is Rebecca."
Lily frowned at the circular answer that had come full circle.
What on earth did that mean?
The Runaway Countess Returns
E-book Publication
January 12, 2022
Author
Gin Bamhaneul
Publisher
Desert Fox
Published by
Woongjin ThinkBig Co., Ltd.
Submission Reception
naver.me/54VzzLSn
Blog
blog.naver.com/wj_fennecfox
@wjt_fennecfox
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Brought to you by Valir Scans! To support our team and enjoy the latest releases, please read directly on our official site: valirscans.org
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